By MONISHA ISWARAN,
arts editor
We open on Badgy scampering along a beach in slow motion – all he needs is a girl to run towards him – or 20!
He settles on Sophie (he’s feeling blondes today) for a date. Sophie delivers a prepared monologue from her audition tape about her troubles opening up about her private life – that explains why she decided to be on a show primarily about sharing your feelings with Australia!
Badgy straps her to some strange watersports contraption because he thoughtfully remembered (the Channel 10 intern was taking notes) that she likes boats. We love a guys' girl.
As audience members, we are unsure how this develops their connection, but the producers manage to get some sick footage of the Sydney Harbour Bridge so all is good.
We cut to an aesthetic clip of Clinger Cass working out, hoping that she gets a fitness sponsorship out of this since she hasn’t been finding love. (Lest we forget her and the Badger met at a gym.)
Nick’s family, or the Badger cete (and yes I did just have to google what a group of badgers was called), arrive to help him out.
Family visits usually happen later in the series, but Badgy is struggling big time and Oshy can’t handle this level of incompetence so he called in back up.
Meanwhile, on the date Badgy is pressuring Sophie to open up because for god’s sake it’s been two weeks and she hasn’t declared her love yet!!!
But he is still deeply offended that she wasn’t ecstatic about their super awkward yoga-posing-photoshoot-mini-date last week. The poor girl was trying to look hot, do poses and flirt simultaneously okay, it was TOO MUCH.
(But don’t worry Soph, play your cards right and Cotton On Body might sill throw a Instagram brand deal your way)
He then asks the all too familiar question, “so why are you here?” I mean no one is exactly going to say “so I can make bank, become low-level famous and take cool Insta photos like Matty J”.
Back at the mansion, we learn Badgy’s dad is basically his clone – still not convinced it wasn’t him in disguise. He says "yarn" a lot and has a mo, (and let's face it, that’s pretty much all the personality Badge has shown so far this series.)
Meanwhile Badgy’s brother tells us about Nick’s history with Clinger Cass. WE KNOW MAN, she tells us every episode. He then takes Cass for a chat, which essentially looks like an awkward date – but they still have more chemistry than she does with Badgy.
Evil minion Romy wisely spends her time bitching about the others to Badgy’s sister, while evil minion Alisha informs Badgy’s dad she works as a political adviser (this would explain a lot about the state of Australian politics at the moment).
Cat is deeply offended that people assume she is here to promote her jewellery line that she brings up every time she has a conversation. OUTRAGEOUS!
Brooke gets picked to pop into the bach pad again – they should just call it the Brooke-Badgy honeymoon suite already. The fam LOVE her, it’s all perfect AKA boring, no drama.
We then proceed to the cocktail party where Cass is as usual stalking Badgy. When she finally professes the depth of her feelings, he delivers a brutal chat about not being on her level and says he’s “interested to see where it goes”. Guess who’s not making the finals!
Sexy PE teacher Blair gets eliminated, her dreams of joining the clan of Badgers dashed.
The rest of the gals are set for another round of “fighting for a man considerable below your league in the hopes of receiving a ‘Hi Smile’ discount code.”