By MONISHA ISWARAN,
arts editor

We open on Badgy wading through a muddy lake shirtless, like the outdoorsy Aussie boy we know he is (thanks to reminders each episode).

First up – a date with super flexible Russian single mum, Dasha. Quick Recap: upon first meeting, she flipped upside down and wrapped her legs around Badgy’s neck (pro tip for all single ladies out there).

The producers hinted to Badgy that choosing flexy Russian right after she revealed she has a five-year-old might win him brownie points with the public.

(For the true Bachelor aficionados, you will remember this tactic worked perfectly for Alex in Banana Boi’s season, way back in the distant past of 2016.)

He seems keen to raise the kid as a Badglet of his own.

This date really blew the budget – fishing in a muddy lake! Ah, TV magic. Dasha shares her sob story to ensure she stays a top contender. Her struggles as a single parent don’t quite compare to Badgy’s hardship making instant coffee that one time though.

Meanwhile, the girls at the mansion are …. probably talking about the state of Australian politics, when the group date card arrives.

The producers left Cass’ name to last, because she hasn’t cried enough this season ... she’s going to be writing a journal entry about them.

If anyone understood the game they played on the date please shoot me a text. All I got was the girls in midriff-baring outfits, lots of shrieking and Osher attempting to umpire after a half-day short course last weekend.

Badgy gives the girls a pre-game pep talk that pretty much guarantees public speaking gigs will not be part of his future. One contestant was so inspired she ‘accidentally’ hit him in the nuts (oh no, the badglets!).

Badgy decides to collect a few more of Clinger-let-me-read-to-you-from-my-journal Cass’ tears (soon to be sold in jars as merch) by choosing Cat as winner.

(Can we all be real here and just admit that Cat is a discount Kira without any of the bravery, funny venom or redeemable qualities. Kira was the queen biotch and all the mean girls that have come since are merely pale imitations.)

Kira Light takes this opportunity to plug her jewellery business (which is from Bali. Ooooooh!) and tries to play tonsil hockey like her evil minion did last week.

However, Badgy took a self-defense course from Osher after attack #1 and learned to turn his head slightly to avoid said tonguing.

Back at the battlegrounds mansion, you’ll never believe it … Cass is upset again. No one cares why anymore. Seeing her emotional distress, the producers assist her into further hysterics by placing her last in the rose ceremony. God, she has a lot of journaling material after tonight.

Now, the best part of the episode…

After Badgy lets two extras contestants go, we-don’t-know-your-name girl #2 storms over and says what we’ve been thinking all along: “I can’t believe I shaved my legs for this.” True. Queen. Sass level comparable to the alpacas in last night’s show.

The others move one step closer to getting their art broken in the cheapest tropical country the producers can find. But they still have to shave their legs, so who’s the real winner here?

Next week we can expect more smooches, drama and damaging stereotypes that take the feminist movement back 30 years.