Bach Recap: potty mouths and giggly models sent packing

By ATARA THENABADU

This week’s episodes of The Bachelor dished up so much drama for us to feed on we are stuffed to the gills!

Gemini Abbie and Monique fought over some harsh words spoken about Matt, which got very personal, very quickly. Even the c-bomb was dropped.

But before everything hit the fan, the week started off with an ad for Hyundai. Sorry, a group road trip to the Central Coast, where everyone happened to be driving a Hyundai.

When the group arrived, Osher presented a date card with Abbie’s name on it.

This did little to please the other girls, especially after news was leaked that Abbie and Matt had a secret smooch at the cocktail party last week.

During the date with Matt, Abbie felt the need to expose foul-mouthed Monique.

She told Matt that Monique called him a ‘dog c**t’ and a ‘disgusting pig’ after he pashed Abbie during the cocktail party. 

This revelation pissed Matt off (shocker). Score? Abbie: 1.

Matt managed to compose himself for the group date, which was meant to be an opening-up session, but no one can remember what any of the girls opened up about. 

Anyway, Matt chose chemical engineer Chelsea to spend more time with. 

The pair ended up geeking out and talking about chemicals - it was incredibly boring and frankly too high-brow. Not what we signed up for, in the slightest.

French girl Helena was next up with a single date, where the pair made pearls.

Not only did Matt give her a rose, but also pearl earrings and a necklace! 

This turned out to be the calm before the storm because after an ad break and some chit chat, Matt and the girls became involved in an all-out war...

In short, Abbie told the girls about Monique’s alleged insults towards Matt. 

Then, Matt confronted Monique, but she (wisely) denied it. 

Matt went back to Abbie and tried to get her and Monique to calmly and maturely sort out their issues. Has he seen this show before?

Matt then dragged self-proclaimed villain Rachael into the game of ‘he said, she said’.

Rachael confirmed Abbie’s accusation that Monique called Matt a ‘dog c**t’! 

Score? Rachael: 1.

After all this kerfuffle, Matt had finally had enough and walked out. 

But, contractually obliged to, Matt returned for the rose ceremony and kept potty-mouthed Monique holding on ... until ... the ..... last ....... rose. Gold. That'll teach her.

The following night's episode began with a classy group date where the women were forced to leap for a bouquet of flowers being launched from a slingshot.  

Potty-mouthed Monique continually took swipes at Gemini and secret-pasher Abbie’s immaturity, by constantly mentioning her age, which (in case you didn't hear) is 23 years-old. 

Abbie, using the vigour of youth, sprang to catch the first two bouquets, which infuriated Monique. 

To be super-sure the show couldn't be criticised for being a feminist manifesto, the producers then had some of the women change into wedding dresses and answer questions to see who was the most suited to wed Bachie Matt.

In a backwards-step for womankind, Abbie proceeded to provide answers that aligned with Matt's future ambitions, not her own, which made the women even more angry at her. If that was even possible. 

Vakoo (the woman who won our hearts before going AWOL last week) won the ludicrous game of love and was awarded one-on-one time with Matt. 

Vakoo didn’t stop giggling the entire date, which left Matt to question her maturity and whether they are compatible.

He slept on that thought and the following day, like two atoms attracting each other, Chelsea scored the single date with Matt. 

The pair left the mansion in a shiny Hyundai (of course) and arrived at Matt’s bachelor pad.

As seen in every season, the pair bake in order to create “some chemistry in the kitchen” by throwing flour and eggs all over each other. 

They then proceeded to wash off in the bach pad pool.

(Footnote: Whoever Matt’s stylist is might need to start looking for another job, because his outfits only seem to be getting worse, as demonstrated by a questionable floral navy shirt.)

At this point in the episode, things start to get fiery back at the mansion as we witness the final showdown in the Abbie-Monique war.

Matt pulled Monique aside in an attempt to get her to admit to being a potty-mouthed liar.

Monique stood her ground and told him she couldn’t recall calling him a ‘dog c**t’... even though it was filmed from multiple angles and aired on TV for the whole of Australia to see.

Matt was left with no choice but to ask Monique to leave the Mansion...the girls were stunned! No one is safe!

Lucky for us, no-one has forgotten how quick Abbie was to tell Matt about Monique’s foul mouth, so next week’s episodes will likely be nothing short of nuclear warfare.

Finally, we bid farewell to model Vakoo in the rose ceremony, who just didn’t have the maturity to align with sophisticated Matt.

See you next Wednesday for some more Bachie drama!