Growing up gay in the modern age

By JAMES WONG

Imagine what it’s like to be ashamed about who you are, to think that you’re abnormal or "unnatural".

Imagine that you live with a secret that you’re too scared to tell even your friends and family, because you don’t know whether they’ll still love you after you tell them. 

For many young Australians and young people around the world, this is what it is like growing up gay.

Even in 2015, young boys and girls continue to struggle with accepting and sharing their sexuality in fear of homophobia. Negative stigma still surrounds the LGBTIQ – lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, intersex, queer and questioning – community, who may experience forms of social exclusion and public humiliation.

Monash University music student Hayden Dun, 21, came out as gay two years ago.

When he first came out to his friends and family, Hayden was surprised at the positive reactions he initially received.

“All of my (female) friends were accepting, and found that they had more in common with me since we were both into guys,” he said.

“Most of my straight (male) friends were surprisingly accepting too. I was expecting awkwardness from a lot of them, but most have been really supportive.” 

Despite knowing he was attracted to males since before primary school, Hayden never shared his sexuality with others because of widespread homophobia in schools.

“I’ve known I was into guys since before I went to primary school,” he said.

“All through primary and even high school, being called a fag or a poofter was one of the worst insults."

Hayden’s boyfriend Evan, 19, said he believed it was the fear of social exclusion that drove kids to be homophobic at school.

“I honestly think the main reason kids can be homophobic is because they're scared,” he said. “If they support it [then] other people will start to think they are gay.”

Hayden and Evan’s experiences highlight the numerous challenges young LGBTIQ people face in school. 

The constant stereotyping of "gay" and "queer" behaviour has led to many young people becoming victims to homophobic remarks and being targeted by bullies because they "don’t belong" or "aren’t natural".

But schools aren’t doing enough to teach youth that being gay, bi or anything in between is no longer "abnormal" or something to be ashamed of.

The Proud Schools initiative was implemented as a pilot program in 12 public schools from 2011 to 2013 in New South Wales. It aimed to cater to the needs of gay and lesbian students, as well as give more guidance on how to tackle homophobia in secondary schools. 

However, this was only a trial program and was not fully implemented by any state governments into their respective school systems. 

A recent survey of some 400 same-sex attracted and gender diverse young people found 98 per cent of those surveyed had heard casual homophobia at school, particularly in physical education lessons. 

In addition, this research found the high levels of homophobia in schools had driven more than half of the young people surveyed to thinking about self-harm or suicide. Some 14 per cent had attempted suicide.

Another challenge Hayden faced, and something many young LGBTIQ struggle with, was a strained relationship with his parents when they had the "coming out" conversation.

 But luckily for Hayden, things got better soon after.

“My parents didn’t talk to me for a while after I told them,” he said.

 “I was kind of expecting that, they’re from a different generation. They’ve come to terms with it now,” he said.

Despite the initial issues with his parents, Hayden said since he shared his sexuality with his younger sisters, their relationship had blossomed.

“For the first time in 19 years I felt like my sisters actually knew me, it felt like I could finally speak to them,” he said. 

Hayden’s youngest sister Natasha recalled her reaction when her only brother came out to her – a secret they kept from the rest of the family for months.

“(It was) completely unexpected,” she said

“We suddenly shared a secret, one so shocking and crazy it was hard to keep.”

Having a gay brother has helped Natasha to understand that being gay is still a normal thing, and it has changed her perspective on the LGBTIQ community.

“I admit that I used to think of them as different, and I used to believe it would be weird to be friends with a homosexual person,” she said.

“(But) all my stereotypical beliefs disappeared with Hayden’s news, and I realised how completely normal and acceptable, even awesome, homosexual people are.”

Looking to the future, Hayden, Evan and Natasha all want to see the wider LGBTIQ community, young and old, recognised as equal not just through the legalisation of same-sex marriage but also through the acceptance of their peers.

“I would love to be able to marry the man I love and walk down the street holding his hand without one person looking at us like we're not normal and feel completely safe that no ones going to try and say or do something to us,” Evan said.