No more deaths: More action needed on domestic violence

With the Victorian election approaching, domestic violence has been brought to the forefront of political debate as women’s rights groups call for further action.

By MORSAL BASHIR

Domestic violence statistics in Australia tell a chilling story.

Almost every week, a woman is killed at the hands of a current or former partner, and 77 per cent of reported family violence victims are women and girls.

More than a third of women who have had an intimate partner have been victims of violence at their hands.

With the state election in sight, a coalition of domestic violence centres and women’s rights activists have joined together to launch the No More Deaths campaign. The campaign calls for the ending of family violence to become a state election priority.

No More Deaths outlines a 25-step action plan to address key issues, such as the need for safe housing for women and children, the need for a more supportive justice system, and a long-term solution to the problem.

In a media release on the Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria website, Fiona McCormack, the CEO of Domestic Violence Victoria, stressed the need for immediate action to be taken.

“Our hearts have been torn by the horrific violence we see devastating the lives of everyday Victorians,” she said.

“Sometimes the issue can seem so big and complex that we despair about being able to do anything effective. But the reality is we can absolutely make a difference.

“Our political leaders have to stand up and be counted, to see where failure by governments to act – on safe housing, in the courts, on the status of women and across other areas of policy and practice – puts women and children at risk of family violence.

“We are not just asking for money. We are asking for leadership and accountability.”

Earlier this year Labor promised a royal commission into family violence if it won the November poll.  The royal commission would seek to question why and how domestic violence had become so prominent in Victoria and how to combat it.

According to Samiro Douglas, the CEO of the Women’s Information and Referral Exchange Inc (WIRE), family violence is prominent in any culture that has a “patriarchal belief”.

“There is a dominant cultural belief that men are still able to control women and have the right to control women and have the right to use a range of behaviour that controls women,” she said.

“One of the more extreme tactics is the fear of physical violence. But there’s a range of other tactics that sit under that, that create an environment that ultimately will enable a husband or boyfriend to hit his wife or his girlfriend and have her stay.”

For family violence survivor Rosa Donaldson*, one of the most important things is for women to be educated to recognise different forms of abuse.

When Rosa found herself without a home, she accepted an offer from her partner at the time, Matt*, to move in with him.

Matt had already shown signs of possessiveness and control, but like many young women in abusive relationships, she turned the other cheek.

After a six-year period during which they had three children, Matt had come to control every part of Rosa’s life.

“It started off being geographic – where I could go, what I could do. Then it developed into who I could speak to, who I couldn’t speak to,” she said.

“It then developed into economic and ‘what are you spending your money on?’ And then it developed into looking over my phone, and who I was phoning, and who I was speaking to.

“It only became violent physically when he was on or coming down from drugs or alcohol, and usually it was a mix.”

Many women find themselves in abusive relationships but do not acknowledge them as such because the violence is not of the sort that leaves bruises and broken bones.

For Rosa, while the threat of physical violence was ever-present, the abuse came mainly in the form of emotional and psychological torment.

“The verbal abuse was far worse than any physical or economic abuse or anything else because it cuts to the core of what you believe about yourself and your self-empowerment,” she said.

The impact on her emotional wellbeing was dire. At times, she would even attempt to escalate the abuse to a physical level just to experience a break from the mental abuse.

“It’s easy to get caught in a cycle where you’ll escalate the violence so that once they hit you, or once they’re violent, they calm down,” she said.

“So it’s easy to … put yourself in that position so that once the physical abuse is done, you have that reprieve, because that’s what you really want, that reprieve from mental abuse.”

Aside from physical and mental abuse, new studies have shown financial abuse is becoming a common tactic for men to use either to prevent women from leaving them, or as a form of punishment once the relationship has ended.

WIRE’s Ms Douglas said men used the system to their advantage by dragging ex-partners into courts over child support and parental rights disputes, making it difficult for women to have the financial capacity to lead comfortable lives elsewhere.

She said that while the system “has attempted to change things to help women”, more had to be done to protect them and their children, particularly from financial abuse.

“The ongoing perpetration of financial abuse through the system, through the child support courts and through the family court can go on for many, many, many years, with men deliberately and maliciously taking women back to court.”

The  impact

Domestic violence, no matter the form, has long-lasting and detrimental effects on the women and children involved.

Women who are victims of family violence begin to lose hope and start to question their inner voice and judgment. They lose the ability to trust themselves.

For Rosa, this meant she “lost the ability to think forward”.

“I lived very, very much in the moment … all of my actions and interactions and even my thoughts were processed to ‘what’s going to happen, how am I going to avoid him exploding?’,” she said.

“Because you don’t know how someone is going to be or how they’re going to act because they are so unpredictable in themselves, you only live in that moment.”

Organisations such as WIRE work to empower these women and let them know they are resilient and resourceful.

“We think it’s important to take the time to listen to a woman’s story,” Ms Douglas said.

“We also recognise that the woman is more than just a victim of family violence.” Ms Douglas said she also asks women to consider the impact of their situation on their children.

Rosa’s daughter, Claire*, now 21, spent the first six years of her life bearing witness to the violence committed against her mother, and her early childhood was significantly affected.

“Being young, it is hard to recognise what is right and wrong, yet it is impossible not to feel the negative emotions pulsing through the air in your home, and seeping through the pores of the people who are supposed to bubble with love and joy,” she said.

“Abuse fills your mind and when it’s so loud, it’s almost impossible to ignore.

“My father’s abusive, controlling ways kept him continuing to abuse and harass [us] and so we were forced to keep on our toes. I went to eight primary schools. We never had any money, never did sports or learnt a language. We went to school with an apple and a Vegemite sandwich if we were lucky.”

When Rosa reflects on her situation, she realises that if she had been aware of what signs to look for, she would have left much earlier.

“If I would have understood what was going on and understood the whole process, and understood really who I was and that I wasn’t being respected and this was a process of abuse … I would have left and not come back but, again, that came back to education,” she said.

Her advice to others experiencing a similar situation is for women to educate themselves so that they can recognise patterns of abuse.

“Educate yourself so that you’re empowered so that once you get out, that you recognise it, otherwise you’ll go straight back into it.”

*Names have been changed.

WIRE Women’s Information and Referral Exchange Inc – 1300 134 130