By ATARA THENABADU
It’s that time of the week again! Bachie is back after a drama-filled week.
Luckily for us, Vakoo rose from her death bed in Wednesday’s episode, after going missing in last week's rose ceremony, and she is now seemingly being brainwashed to hate the new girls.
But pause was pressed on that drama, as country girl Elly used her golden ticket to get a date with Matt and, like Winx out of the starting gates, the pair was off and racing at Flemington Racecourse.
Of all the potential Melbourne landmarks they could have chosen for romance, Flemington Racecourse seemed an odd choice.
Perhaps Channel 10 securing the commercial rights to televise the Racing Spring Carnival this year had something to do with it? We're just not sure.
Another pressing question also needed answering. When Flemington has enjoyed a long association with Melbourne's glitterati and well-heeled fashion-set, why was Matt dressed like he had stepped straight out of the '70s? Or was the mismatching suit an obscure nod to Miami Vice? Again, we're not sure, and we'll have to move on.
The good news was Matt seemed to enjoy hanging out with Elly in the back of a horse-drawn carriage as they trotted around Flemington, because she left the date with a rose. Yay!
Then it was group date time (the biggest time filler in TV history).
In a thinly-veiled attempt at sparking tension, it was new-girls versus old-girls in an AFL match, with the MVP being awarded extra one-on-one time with Matt.
The game went down to the wire, of course (insert dramatic tension here), but the old-girls managed to snag the win and Nicole (remember her? She's original. Arrived at the red carpet on a motorbike...?) was chosen for the one-on-one time with Matt. Then, to top it off, she was awarded The Bach's equivalent of a Brownlow: a rose.
Time for the cocktail party and finally some juicy bits as all hell broke loose as the women desperately tried to get Matt’s attention (this only fuelled the Nicole-versus-Monique feud).
Footnote: ever since intruder Monique arrived at the mansion last week, a feud has been bubbling between her and Easy-Rider-Nicole (her doppelgänger). They hate each other and hate even more that, in terms of appearance, they really are interchangeable.
Monique managed to get the one-on-one date after she took Matt on a mini-scavenger hunt. So creative, wow! The show's producers really are extending themselves.
However, what really grabbed our attention was Nicole’s clear outrage at Matt’s decision.
Nicole stormed off but returned for the crucial rose ceremony (yes, she already had a rose, but she wasn’t going to miss the opportunity for more screen time, now was she?).
The drama-fuelled storm-off struck us as particularly un-original but, hey, who are we to tell Nic she's messing with her own brand.
To no-one’s surprise, three girls left the Bachelor Mansion, all who shared a memorable 15 seconds of screen time.
We were all looking forward to episode four on Thursday night, even though we’re all secretly tired of seeing the same thing happen every episode. Such is the fate of any rusted-on reality-show sycophant.
We enjoyed Monique’s fast-paced single date with Matt, including a ride in a Ferrari and a flight in fighter plane.
Monique, unsurprisingly, ended up with a rose. Matt is handing out roses left, right and centre this week!
We then turn to the annual photoshoot group date, which always brings out the drama as the women dress up in some interesting, yet questionable, costumes.
The unofficial narrator and infamous Gemini, Abbey, stole the show by transforming her minor servant role to a centre-stage star during the photoshoot date by progressively moving closer to him.
Abbey came out victorious and managed to steal a kiss from Matt during their alone time, which made the other girls’ blood boil, except, of course, the sweet-as-candy country girl, Elly.
The rose ceremony concluded with Isabelle exiting the mansion.
Now, we must wait for next week. From the previews we have seen, it seems everything hits the fan when Abbey’s stolen kiss with Matt comes to light.
We'll make the popcorn.