By ATARA THENABADU
Finally, we are starting to get to the pointy end of the season, with only five women left at the end of Thursday night’s episode.
Never fear, the Bachelor producers still have a few aces up their sleeves, starting with the return of Bach royalty Matty J and Sam Wood this week, followed by Drag Queen therapy and an argument over raspberries. Of course.
Still in the game are Gemini Abbie, who proved to us this week that she will do anything to win Matt’s heart.
We also have Chemical Engineer Chelsie, who finally opened up, and Country girl Elly, who succumbed to Abbie’s conniving ways and let the anger boil over.
Then there’s Health Coach Helena, who until this week hid in the background and, finally, love-obsessed Emma, who once again freaked us all out with her clinginess.
In Wednesday night’s episode, Matty J and Sam Wood rocked up with their partners and previous Bachelor finalists, Laura and Snezana.
While Matty and Sam wowed Matt with their Bachelor celebrity status, Laura and Snez had a quick stalk at the Bach mansion and chose one of the women to join them for a couples dinner.
To everyone’s surprise, they chose Health Coach Helena.
If you happened to catch the last season of MAFS, this dinner party was high-society in comparison. No one poured wine on each other, there was no flirting between couples, and there was definitely no screaming!
Helena appeared to be a very calm and collected, which could be exactly what Matt needs after a season of simultaneously dating 28 women and their huge personalities.
On Wednesday night, we were also given an uncomfortable front-row seat to Matt and stage-five clinger Emma getting all lovey-dovey while making chocolates and having a romantic picnic.
Emma was intense as usual, sucking Matt’s face off within five minutes of meeting. She continued this for the entire 15 minute segment, while a voiceover of her saying “I love, love” played in the background. It was basically a horror movie.
Luckily Matt did appear at the cocktail party on Wednesday night, confirming Emma’s love for love had not completely suffocated him and, to be honest, we were surprised.
While the women drank cocktails, Osher crashed the party and delivered a twist.
Two single date cards were thrown into the mix and the woman who showed the most initiative would receive a rose.
Initially the women just anxiously glanced at the date cards, but eventually (and inevitably) the claws came out and Persian Princess Sogand grabbed the first card, leaving Gemini Abbie and Country girl Elly to fight it out for the second card.
Abbie used her masterful manipulation skills and Elly eventually gave in, leaving her in tears for the rest of the night. This confirmed that Abbie really is evil.
I honestly believe Abbie sees this whole experience as a contest where the endgame is to win a prize, not to fall in love. This is not Survivor, Abbie!
To make things worse, Abbie wouldn’t shut up about the raspberries she ate while speaking to Matt about her love of raspberries. This got under Elly’s skin because she deserved to spend quality time with Matt, but instead she gave the date card to a raspberry-loving psycho.
Elly’s feud with Abbie carried over to Thursday night’s episode, because the producers wouldn’t let this TV gold run dry.
Elly’s raspberry-fuelled anger boiled over at the cocktail party but, before we get to that, let’s take a look at Health Coach Helena’s date with Matt.
Helena is 25 years-old and obviously hasn’t thought about her future, so of course Matt stitched her up and asked her to do an activity where she planned the next 10 years of her life.
This ended in tears and a D&M with a producer (who no doubt set the whole thing up in the first place).
After an ad break and some scenic shots, Helena was emotionally stable again and ready to take a bath with Matt. Yes, I know, The Bachelor is one huge time warped fantasy that disregards any rational behaviour.
After many uncomfortable minutes of watching Helena and Matt flirt in the bath, we cut to a group date where the girls took part in an art class with drag queen Art Simone in order to expose their inner queen.
Chemical Engineer Chelsie opened up after a pep talk from Art Simone, sharing her struggle with self worth. She was the real queen on Thursday night.
Matt saw this vulnerable side to Chelsie, which scored her some one-on-one time with him later.
At the cocktail party in the evening, Chelsie and Emma sat back and relaxed because they already had roses, while the other women fought to get Matt’s attention.
Gemini Abbie decided to break the girl code and stole Matt first after agreeing Country girl Elly had priority because she gave up the date card the night before. But Elly’s inner feistiness took control and she interrupted the pair and stole Matt back.
During their time together, Elly exposed Abbie’s fake personality to Matt but he didn’t seem to be convinced.
This is exceedingly frustrating for everyone watching her weekly behind-the-scenes manipulation...I just want to jump into the TV and shake some sense into Matt!
But, lucky for us, we get to relive this frustration next week because both Abbie and Elly got a rose at Thursday night’s rose ceremony.
We said goodbye to China girl, Kristen, who is actually just a China researcher and she used to live in China but we will continue to call her China girl. Adios China girl Kristen, you will probably be forgotten in 24 hours.
We have a lot to look forward to over the next few weeks because hometowns are fast approaching and the quest for Matt’s heart is definitely heating up!